Marriage Prep Beyond the Checklist: 4 Soulful Tools for Deeper Connection During Your Engagement6/11/2025 Wedding planning is event planning, but getting married is master's level personal growth and development. Most couples spend months obsessing over centerpieces, comparing vendors, and perfecting their timeline. They'll debate napkin colors for hours but never discuss their conflict styles. They'll hire three different photographers but never explore how they each express love. Here's the truth: your wedding day will be beautiful regardless of whether you choose eucalyptus or baby's breath. But your marriage? That requires intentional preparation that goes far beyond any checklist. By the end of this post, you'll know the four tools to making your wedding planning process a marriage preparation process, so that you can get married consciously and intentionally. Why Most Couples Get Marriage Prep Completely WrongThe wedding industry has trained us to focus on the performance rather than the partnership. We're taught to plan an event, not a life together. But what if your engagement period could be the most transformative season of personal growth you've ever experienced? What if, instead of just planning a party, you could use this sacred time to:
This is what conscious marriage preparation looks like. And it starts with four powerful tools that will transform your entire approach to getting married.  Tool 1: Create Your Relationship GPS with Intention Setting The Pin on Your Marriage Map Intention setting creates a "pin on the map" for your journey (whatever ot may be). It defines your aspirational outcome and articulates the specific actions you'll take to get there. When you set an intention for your wedding planning process, you're deciding the experience you want to create (what do you want to FEEL) and then mapping out the actions that will lead to that experience. Everything else becomes a matter of commitment and follow-through. Your Daily Anchor Practically, your intention becomes an anchor that keeps you on course toward your vision. Here's how to use it:
You can set intentions for multiple areas:
An example of a wedding planning intention could be “As a conscious partner, it is my sincere intention to use our wedding planning process as an exercise in teamwork, so that I can feel connected with my partner throughout this process.”  Tool 2: Activate Your Growth Radar with Journaling The Science of Intentional Focus Regular journaling creates a powerful transformation in what you're able to see and experience. When you consistently focus on specific values and intentions, you activate your reticular activating system (RAS)—your brain's filtering mechanism that determines what you notice in the world around you. For engaged couples, this means centering your attention on the qualities and experiences you want to grow in your relationship. By focusing on what you want to bloom, you're directing your limited resources—time, energy, bandwidth—toward your relationship priorities. Beyond Random Reflection Here's how it works: Let’s say you set an intention to center teamwork throughout your wedding planning. Every morning you journal about your intention to bring it into awareness. Your brain, activated starts noticing opportunities for teamwork everywhere. Some decision making process, that maybe you’d be inclined to just let your partner deal with alone, (“I don’t even know what charger plates are?!”) will inevitably pop up and because you used your journal to center your intention, you may see this opportunity for what it is, a chance to connect with your beloved The Season Journals Engagement Journal takes daily journaling even further, and provides the perfect framework for this intentional focus, with prompts designed specifically for couples navigating the engagement season. This intentional journaling practice transforms wedding planning from a stressful checklist into a journey of deeper connection and shared vision-casting.  Tool 3: Decode Your Relationship Dynamic with SYMBIS Understanding the Human Underneath the Behaviors Marriage preparation assessment tools like SYMBIS help couples understand themselves in the context of their relationship. As a certified SYMBIS facilitator, I've seen how powerful these insights can be forengaged couples. The assessment reveals crucial information about: Your Conflict Styles: How you each respond when tensions arise, helping you see past behaviors to the human underneath. When you understand that your partner's withdrawal during conflict isn't rejection but their natural coping style, you can respond with compassion instead of escalation. Love Expression Patterns: The specific ways you each naturally show and receive love, creating a roadmap for connection that goes beyond the basic love languages. Sexual Relationship Expectations: Your desires around frequency, initiation, and intimacy—conversations that are straightforward now but will be invaluable to navigate over the decades of marriage ahead. From Insight to Practical Skills This isn't just about gaining knowledge—it's about developing practical relationship skills. The more you understand what makes up your partner and how they show up in relationships, the more you can connect with the human underneath their behaviors. Equally important, the more you understand about yourself and how you show up, the more likely you'll be to take ownership when your behaviors are the problem and make movement toward personal growth and mastery of how you show up in your marriage. Think of it as learning the unique fabric of your relationship—understanding which threads run in the same direction and which move in contrast, all working together to create something beautiful.  Tool 4: Write Vows That Actually Transform Your Marriage Beyond Pretty Words Most wedding vows fall into two categories: traditional religious frameworks or modern performative speeches. Intentional vow writing is different—it's a process of identifying and declaring your deepest commitments. Intentional vows incorporate four essential elements:
The How to Vow Framework My How to Vow framework walks couples through a specific process: visualization, organization, warming up for the big day, and how to shine during your ceremony. This isn't about writing pretty words—it's about creating a declaration that will anchor your marriage for decades. Interested in learning more about my How to Vow Framework - get on the waitlist and I’ll let you know as soon as my course gets released!  The Magic of Conscious Marriage Preparation
Let me tell you about Jasmine and Aladdin (not their real names, but you get the picture). When they first came to me, they already knew they wanted to be intentional about their wedding planning process. They weren't just planning an event—they were preparing for a life together. They used the How to Vow framework to infuse their personal vows with intention and purpose. They incorporated meaningful rituals into their ceremony. They completed a deep-dive marriage preparation program that included SYMBIS-style assessment and coaching. The result? Their ceremony was, in their words, "super duper magical." Everyone present—including me—was fully there in that moment. The presence felt… more present. I can’t describe it but to say, it was intense. As an empathic person, it is a skillset of mine to tune into the energetics of a space, and as an officiant, I use that skill all the time to “create space” for my couples to get married in a really conscious and connected way. At this particular elopement, I didn’t need to create anything, these two brought the vibes with them because this all meant more to them than just a performance. This is what becomes possible when you use your engagement season for what it can be: one of the most intentional periods of relationship growth you'll ever experience. Your Conscious Marriage Journey Starts Now Wedding planning will happen whether you're intentional about it or not. Vendors will be hired, flowers will be chosen, and guests will be invited. But marriage preparation? That's a choice. You can spend your engagement checking items off a list, or you can use this sacred time to build the foundation for a lifetime of conscious partnership. The four tools we've explored—intention setting, regular journaling practice, relationship assessment, and intentional vow writing—will transform your entire approach to getting married. They'll help you step into your wedding day not as performers putting on a show, but as two humans making the most important commitment of their lives with full awareness and intentional presence. Ready to begin? Download my free Engaged Couple's Guide to Intention Setting right now and take the first step toward a truly conscious marriage. Your future selves will thank you. Your marriage deserves more than a beautiful party. It deserves intentional preparation, conscious commitment, and tools that will serve you for the rest of your lives together. The question isn't whether you'll plan a wedding—it's whether you'll prepare for a marriage. Choose consciousness. Choose intention. Choose each other, fully and completely. What's one intention you want to set for your engagement season? Share in the comments below—I'd love to celebrate this sacred time with you.
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What if I told you that your wedding ceremony isn't just a beautiful checkpoint between "getting ready" and "let's party"? What if it's actually a sacred threshold — a portal where you step into becoming who you're meant to be together? Most couples spend months planning the perfect flowers, the perfect dress, the perfect playlist. But here's what I've learned after a decade of crafting ceremonies: the couples who approach their wedding as a transformational portal rather than just a pretty event experience something entirely different. There's a depth of presence, a magic in their connection, an energy that you can actually feel. By the end of this post, you'll understand how to approach your ceremony as the sacred threshold it's meant to be — and why this shift in perspective could be the most important wedding planning decision you make.  The Space Between: Understanding Ceremony as a Portal When I say your ceremony is a portal, I mean it's that liminal, in-between space where you pause. It's timeless. It's an opportunity for presence — standing consciously in the doorway between simply being partnered and being married. But here's the deeper truth: through a ceremony created with great intention, there's an opportunity for transformation. You get to step into your idealized version of yourselves by committing to that vision right alongside your beloved, who will help you become everything you've declared you want to be. This isn't just about changing your legal status. This is about choosing who you become. I believe we are spiritual beings having a human experience, and marriage is one of life's greatest classrooms. Every experience comes to teach us exactly what we need to know for what's coming next. When we approach ceremony with this consciousness — embracing the unknowns, the quest, the journey of lessons that marriage will bring — something magical happens. The Couples Who Get It (And What Makes Them Different) I've worked with couples across the spectrum, and I can tell you: there's a palpable difference between those who see their ceremony as a portal and those who just want to "get through it to get to the party." The couples who embrace the portal approach have this deeper presence. Their eye contact during the ceremony is different. Their emotions are fuller. They're completely there — mind, body, and spirit engaged in the ritual of becoming married. These are couples who understand that relationships are containers for growth, and by getting married, they're selecting the partner they want to do that growth with. They identify as conscious, committed, and co-creative. They're excited about the opportunity to build a life together, not just throw a beautiful party.  Moving Beyond the Wedding Planning Hamster Wheel Here's what happens to most engaged couples: they get caught in the go-go-go of planning decisions that have nothing to do with actually getting married. Do we want uplighting? What about the cocktail napkins? Should we do a cell phone announcement? All those details matter for your event, but they're not the questions that matter for your marriage. What I invite couples to do is step off the hamster wheel and ask the deeper questions:
When couples slow down to explore these questions, something shifts. They start saying things like, "We never thought about some of this stuff, and it was really great to sit down and talk about our life together." That's where the magic lives. The Three Places to Infuse Intention Into Your Ceremony Whether you're working with an officiant who customizes everything or you're limited in what you can change, there are three key areas where intention makes the biggest difference: 1. Your Marriage Intention Statement Even if it's never read aloud, create an anchoring statement for your marriage. This becomes your North Star — the vision you're stepping into together. Ask yourselves: What energy do we want to create? What are we declaring about our future together? 2. Your Unity Ritual (If You Choose One) Here's permission to skip the unity candle if it doesn't resonate. I'd rather see no unity ritual than one that's just checking a box. But if you do choose one, be super intentional about what it represents and why it reflects who you are as a couple. 3. Your Vows This is the most accessible place for every couple to go deep. Instead of generic promises, get honest about:
These aren't just pretty words for your guests to "aww" over. These are the declarations that will hold you accountable to who you said you wanted to become.  The Transformation Happens in the Process Here's what most people miss: the ceremony is just the culmination. The real transformation happens in the process of creating it. When you slow down to identify your shared values, your vision for the future, and what you need to promise each other to create that reality — that's when you step into the portal. The ceremony itself creates the present-moment awareness where you declare these intentions in your fully embodied state, with witnesses to hold you accountable. This is why ritual has existed throughout history. All the symbols, the candles, the rings, the words we speak — they're designed to bring you into present-moment awareness of what's happening and make it special. That specialness engages your mind, body, and spirit in the act of transformation. Are You Ready for Portal-Level Ceremony Planning? Not every couple is called to this depth of work, and that's perfectly okay. But if you're reading this and thinking, "Yes, this is exactly what I want," then you might be ready for a different kind of ceremony planning. You're ready if:
 Your Invitation to Go Deeper Marriage is one of life's greatest adventures, and your ceremony is the conscious moment you step through the doorway together. You don't have to approach it like everyone else. You don't have to settle for surface-level pretty words and generic promises. You can create something as authentic and intentional as your love story. If this resonates with you — if you want to approach your ceremony and your marriage with this level of consciousness and intention — I'd love to continue this conversation. Join my community of conscious couples who are planning marriages, not just weddings. I share insights, tools, and guidance for approaching every aspect of your wedding planning (and your marriage) with intention. Because your ceremony is a portal. The question is: what kind of transformation are you ready to step into? Ready to make your ceremony count? Follow me on Instagram @afa.weddings for weekly insights on intentional wedding planning and conscious marriage preparation. Because the couples who plan with intention don't just have beautiful weddings — they build extraordinary marriages. Should You Change Your Name After Marriage? A Guide to Making This Decision with Intention5/26/2025 You're staring at yet another wedding planning decision, and this one feels different. Heavier, somehow. Should you change your name when you get married? Maybe you're a high-achieving woman who's built a career around your current name. Maybe you're feeling pressure from family traditions, or wondering if keeping your name makes you less committed to your marriage. Maybe you're simply exhausted at the thought of more paperwork after months of wedding planning decisions. Whatever brought you here, I see you. And I want you to know: there's no wrong choice, only the choice that feels true to you. ​Here's what I promise you: By the end of this post, you'll have clarity about the real pros and cons of changing your name, and you'll feel calm knowing there's a simple resource to help you if you decide to make the change. Most importantly, you'll have the questions you need to make this decision with intention – not just because it's "what you're supposed to do."
The Truth About Modern Name Changes
Let's start with some perspective. About 70% of women still change their names today – but that's down from 90% in the 1990s. Younger generations are increasingly likely to keep their maiden names, especially women with higher education levels and those in professional fields like medicine, law, and academia. This isn't just about rebellion or feminism (though those are valid considerations). It's about a generation of women who understand that their name is often tied to their professional identity, their online presence, and their sense of self. Why This Decision Feels So Loaded If you're feeling overwhelmed by this choice, you're not alone. As someone who's changed my name twice – once in the traditional way, and once through the courts to a name of my own choosing after my divorce – I understand the weight of this decision. For high-performing women especially, the name-change question hits several pressure points at once:
The truth is, you can't make a wrong decision here. But you can make an intentional one. 
The Real Benefits of Changing Your Name
When couples choose to change names, they often experience genuine benefits that go beyond tradition: Emotional & Relationship Benefits:
Practical Advantages:
​These aren't small things. For couples who value traditional symbols or want that sense of unified identity, changing names can genuinely support their vision of marriage. 
The Real Challenges You Should Consider
But let's be honest about the downsides, because they're significant: Identity & Professional Impact:
Practical Complications:
Personal Considerations:
​I learned this firsthand during my first name change – I was a procrastinator who hated waiting in lines, and it took me almost a year to complete the process. Everything about it represented what I disliked about bureaucracy. ​When I changed my name after my divorce, I knew I NEVER wanted to change my name again. I stepped into my authentic power at that moment and decided to craft a name of my own making. I took my then middle name, Aurore, which was my maternal grandmother's name, and made it my last name. Then, I took my paternal grandmother's name, Flora, and used the first initial as my new middle name, creating Amy F. Aurore as my proper whole name. The middle name is JUST the letter. This choice felt authentic and powerful. One I would make over and over the same. When I married the second time a year ago, it wasn't even a consideration to change my name and my husband knew it. This choice bears no affect on the strength of our union. 
Finding Your Middle Ground
Here's what I love about modern marriage: you have options. Creative alternatives that honor both your identity and your union:
You also have timing flexibility. There's no rule that says you must decide immediately. You can:
Questions for Making This Decision with Intention Instead of just following tradition or rebelling against it, ask yourself these questions:
When we are conscious of our intentions, thoughtful about our choices, and emphatic about what matters to us, we can create a life – and a marriage – of our own making. If You Decide to Change: A Resource That Actually Helps Here's the thing about the name-change process: it doesn't have to be the bureaucratic nightmare I experienced. I'm affiliated with HitchSwitch because their service aligns with my values of bringing intention and ease to the marriage process. They're a concierge service that eliminates the overwhelm of name changes with packages ranging from a basic $39.99 print-ready option to a full platinum package that handles everything for you. What I love about HitchSwitch:
The stress relief is real: no more waiting in lines, no more wondering what comes next, no more calling individual offices to figure out their requirements. They smooth out the entire process so you can focus on what matters most – your marriage. ​ 
Permission to Choose What's Right for You
Here's the soul medicine I want to leave you with: your name is you, and whatever you decide cannot be wrong. Be gentle with yourself as you make this decision. Know that families and traditions are changing all the time, and we can flow into them in a way that allows our authentic expression to be at the center. If someone has an oppositional viewpoint to whatever you decide, they're on their own journey of self-acceptance. It's okay if they don't understand your choice. Modern times call for modern decisions. Give yourself grace, honor what feels true, and remember that the most important thing isn't what you choose – it's that you choose consciously. Your Next Step If you've decided to change your name, consider putting a HitchSwitch package on your wedding registry. Future you will thank present you for thinking ahead and eliminating that post-wedding stress.shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=902402&u=2752354&m=67412&urllink=&afftrack= If you've decided to keep your name, celebrate the ease and effortlessness you've afforded yourself. That's a gift too. And if you're inspired by this intentional approach to such an important decision, consider bringing the same consciousness to your entire wedding process. Because when you build what feels true rather than what just looks good, you create a foundation for a marriage that's authentically yours. Ready to simplify your name change process? Check out HitchSwitch here and discover how easy this transition can be.  Feeling stuck with your vows? You're not alone. Let's talk about what's really happening when you keep pushing that task to tomorrow... The Truth About Your Vow Procrastination Let's be honest—that blank page staring back at you feels intimidating. You've moved "write vows" from one to-do list to the next. Maybe you've convinced yourself you'll feel more inspired closer to the wedding. Maybe you're telling yourself you're "just not ready yet." I see you. I understand you. And I'm here to tell you something important: writing your vows only seems overwhelming because you don't know where to start or how to move through it in a meaningful way. That resistance you're feeling? It's not a sign you should keep avoiding this task. It's actually pointing you toward a powerful transformation waiting on the other side. What's Really Hiding Behind "I'll Do It Later" When couples tell me they're putting off their vows, here's what I've discovered is really happening: 1. It's Not About Writing Skills—It's About Vulnerability That voice in your head saying "I'm not a writer" is masking a deeper concern: opening your heart completely, putting those feelings into words, and sharing them publicly feels vulnerable. This isn't about crafting perfect prose—it's about being authentically you. 2. Perfectionism Is Blocking Your Path Many thoughtful people—perhaps especially thoughtful people—struggle with vow writing precisely because they care so deeply. They want everything to be perfect, believing their words need to create a movie-worthy moment. But here's the truth: perfect vows don't exist. Authentic vows do. And authenticity beats perfection every time. 3. You're Missing the Point of the Process When we focus only on the end product—the words you'll speak on your wedding day—we completely miss the transformative journey of creating them. Your vows aren't just something you say. They're a container for transformation. They're an opportunity to consciously step into your marriage with intention, clarity, and purpose.  Three Truths About Vow Resistance If you're avoiding your vows, I want you to know these three essential truths: Truth #1: It's really not that hard. With the right starting point and path forward, this process becomes infinitely more manageable. You simply need the right framework. Truth #2: The only way through is through. That resistance you feel? The stronger it is, the more valuable the transformation waiting on the other side. Trust me on this one. Truth #3: It's not about performance—it's about presence. Remember that your vows don't have to be a public performance. You can share them privately before or after the ceremony if that feels more authentic to you. Remove the pressure of an audience, and focus on what truly matters. What Happens When You Move Past Resistance When you finally sit down and begin crafting your vows with intention, something magical happens: You identify the key reasons why you're marrying this person based on your experiences together. You recognize the values, attributes, and personality traits that make you compatible with your beloved. You clarify the promises you specifically need to make to be the spouse you want to be in your marriage. In short, you become more intentional about how you choose to step into this marriage. This isn't just about crafting beautiful words—it's about consciously creating the foundation for your married life together. If I Could Talk to My Past Self... I got married at 27, and looking back, I was what you might call a reluctant bride. I was proposed to early in my relationship, and being a "yes" person, I agreed. What followed was a very long engagement where I now realize I was stalling because I wasn't sure of my reasons. If I could go back and talk to that version of myself, I would have said: "Sit down and get started on your vows now. Get connected to your big 'why.' Why are you doing this? Why does this work? Why are you a good fit?" Perhaps by asking myself those questions sooner, I could have recognized that I wasn't moving through my engagement consciously. I was just checking boxes because each step seemed like "the next right thing to do." Although everything worked out as it was meant to, imagine how things might have unfolded if I had used the vow-writing process to become more present, conscious, and aware of what was happening and why I wanted it to happen. When You Say "I'm Not Ready Yet" Let's address what's really hiding behind that statement: Is it about the writing part? Use voice memos or speech-to-text. Problem solved. Scared of public speaking? Skip it! Share your vows privately instead. Perfectionism holding you back? That's when you need a guide—someone to help you structure your thoughts and feelings into something that feels true to you. But underneath all these excuses is often something deeper: a lack of confidence that you're capable of doing something that feels challenging. Confidence is about developing trust in yourself by taking small, consistent actions. It's about becoming present and intentional about the things you do in your daily life, especially regarding your marriage and relationships.  Your Invitation to Transform
I know it seems daunting to get this tornado of thoughts and feelings from your head and heart onto paper or screen. But I promise you, it's much easier than you think. This isn't a writing assignment. It's an opportunity to reflect, to visualize, to have fun with the process of co-creating your life with your beloved. By answering the questions already blossoming in your engaged heart, you can use this process as a container for sacred transformation as you step into married life together. You have everything in your heart and mind to get the words out. The act of polishing and refining is even easier than you think, and the transformation at the end is worth every step of the journey. Your Next Step Forward If this resonates with you, I'd love to invite you to take my Wedding Vow Superpower Quiz. This fun quiz will help you determine what aspect of your personality will help you through this vow writing process. And me, I'll also be here to guide you the rest of the way. Remember: The only way you can truly get your vows "wrong" is by not doing them at all. Everything else is just part of the beautiful journey toward becoming the spouse you want to be. Much Love <3 Amy You've been dreaming about your perfect wedding ceremony—one that truly reflects your relationship, values, and love story. But now your officiant has informed you that customization isn't an option. The script is set, and they won't budge. What can you do? As a professional wedding officiant with years of experience, I've helped countless couples navigate this challenge. Here's my expert guidance on how to create meaningful personal moments even when facing ceremony restrictions. Why Officiants Restrict Personalization Before diving into solutions, it helps to understand why some officiants limit customization:
 My #1 Piece of Advice to Add Personal Touches Without Changing the Script Write and Share Your Own Vows (Just Not During the Ceremony) My number one recommendation to create deeply personal moments during your wedding day is to write personal vows to share with each other privately. If your officiant won't allow personalized vows during the ceremony, create a special moment before or after to exchange them. Creating a Meaningful First Look - Vow Exchange If you choose a pre-ceremony moment, consider incorporating your vow exchange into a "first look" or "first touch": Imagine this: You're in separate getting-ready spaces, emotions and anticipation building. Your photographer guides one of you to a carefully selected location—perhaps a garden corner with dappled sunlight or a quiet space with meaningful decor elements. The energy is filled with anticipation and excitement. When you see each other for the first time, that initial reaction—the tears, the smiles, the gasps—creates a profound backdrop for exchanging your most heartfelt words. Your planner might arrange:
This intimate exchange happens when you're fresh, focused, and before the whirlwind of the day fully takes hold. The vulnerability of sharing these promises becomes part of the magic of seeing each other for the first time.  Creating Your Perfect Post-Ceremony Moment Alternatively, the moments just after your ceremony offer a different, equally powerful energy for vow exchange: You've just been pronounced married. You exit the ceremony space hand-in-hand, radiant with joy. Instead of immediately joining your guests, your wedding coordinator or a trusted friend guides you to a private room nearby. The space is intimate—perhaps decorated with a few flowers matching your wedding theme. Two glasses of champagne or sparkling water await you, alongside a small plate of carefully selected appetizers (the first food you'll taste as a married couple). The door closes, and suddenly, the whirlwind stops. It's just the two of you. This is your moment. The love and emotion from your ceremony still surrounds you like a warm glow. Your makeup might be slightly smudged from happy tears, but you've never looked more beautiful to each other. Now, you can:
Your guests will barely notice your brief absence—they'll be transitioning to cocktail hour or mingling—but these precious minutes will remain one of your most cherished wedding memories. This sacred pause creates space for connection in an otherwise bustling day, allowing you to truly absorb the magnitude of your commitment before rejoining the celebration. Choosing Between Pre- and Post-Ceremony Moments Consider these differences when deciding:
 Shifting Your Perspective
If you're feeling disappointed about ceremony restrictions, remember that the true meaning of your wedding day goes far beyond the specific words spoken during the ceremony. Your marriage is about the intentions you hold in your heart and the conscious choices you're making to move forward together. Consider these perspective shifts:
The Heart of the Matter... Remember that your wedding day is about beginning your marriage with love and intention. While the specific words of your ceremony matter, what matters more is the commitment you're making and the life you'll build together. By focusing on creating meaningful moments throughout your wedding day, you can ensure your unique love story shines through, regardless of ceremony restrictions. Still wondering if writing your vows is something you would like to incorporate into your personalized wedding day? Want to know your Vow Writing Superpower? Click Here to take my Vow Writing Superpower Quiz and find out exactly WHY you should write your own vows! Because your wedding ceremony is more than just something to get through—it’s a container for transformation. Let’s be honest: Most couples spend way more time picking linens than they do thinking about their vows. It’s easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of wedding planning—Pinterest boards, catering tastings, guest lists, dress fittings—and before you know it, you’re standing at the altar, slightly dazed, just trying to make it through the ceremony so you can finally eat something and hit the dance floor. But what if your ceremony could be more than that? What if your vows could be more than a box to check? If you feel even a tingle of a desire to make your wedding day deeply personal and meaningful, here’s why writing your own vows might be the key. Your wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be fully present. There are moments in life that are meant to wake us up. Getting married is one of them. And yet, so many couples rush through the ceremony on autopilot, exhausted from planning or disconnected from the deeper meaning of the day. I’ve seen it too many times—couples saying the same script that's been said a thousand times before, barely present to the significance of the words. But writing your own vows requires you to pause. To reflect. To choose your words with care. It grounds you in the truth of why you’re getting married—and brings you back to the sacredness of the moment you’re stepping into. This is about being intentional. About showing up—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually—for one of the biggest decisions of your life.  Your vows are the soul of your ceremony. Traditional vows can be beautiful, but let’s be real: “’Til death do us part” doesn’t speak to everyone anymore. Personal vows give you the chance to express your love, your promises, and your shared vision for the future—on your own terms. They can reflect the journey you’ve been on, the values you share, the growth you’ve experienced together, and the dreams you’re stepping into. This is not about perfection or performance—it’s about authenticity. Whether you read them aloud at the altar or co-create them privately as part of your ceremony script, your vows become a living, breathing expression of your relationship’s heart. Writing vows is part of co-creating your marriage. Your wedding day is a milestone—but your vows are about more than the moment. They’re about setting an intention for the marriage you want to create together. When you sit down to write personal vows, you’re not just writing sweet words. You’re getting clear on what matters to you as a couple. You’re articulating the promises that will guide you through the years ahead. You’re stepping into marriage as conscious co-creators, not passive participants. It’s powerful. And transformative. Even if you don’t end up reading personal vows out loud on your wedding day, the process of writing them together (or separately) is a deeply meaningful ritual. It creates connection. Clarity. And a moment of deep presence with your partner.  Want help deciding if writing personal vows is right for you? I’ve created a free “Should I Write My Own Vows?” checklist to help you explore this decision with intention and clarity. 👉 [Download the checklist here] This isn’t about pressure—it’s about possibility. Let’s make sure your wedding ceremony feels as real, rich, and intentional as the love you’re celebrating. I may be biased, (okay, I am totally biased,) but it is my humble opinion that your wedding ceremony should be 100% reflective of you and your partner's personality, values, worldview, and everything that makes your relationship special and unique. There are many ways to personalize your ceremony to reflect who you are and what you believe. When I collaborate with couples to design their wedding ceremony, I divide these ways into 4 categories. Declaration of Intent - the “I do” - Many couples say “I do,” to a standardized set of declarations - “Do you, _____ take ____ as your lawfully wedded partner….” The point of this part of the ceremony is to declare that you are a willing participant in this ceremony. Instead of just agreeing to the basics, couples can create personalized intention statements that take this agreement to marry a step further, and agree to the intentions of the marriage as well.  Blessings, Readings, & Prayers Throughout the ceremony, couples will often include a reading or a prayer. I encourage couples to really be selective about this reading and make sure it’s something that either means something to them or really evokes the sentiment they are seeking to experience. Bonus points go to those who invite a beloved family member to come up and read. Make it extra special. A fun twist on this is playing a song or singing, if that is your thing!  Unity Ceremony The Unity Ceremony is where we create a visual representation of the emotional joining that is taking place. There are many options available and often couples simply don’t know what is out there. Things have come a long way from the Unity Candle! Branch out! One unique version of this is a Tree Planting ceremony, where we take soil from the two childhood homes of the partners and use it to plant a tree together. You can do Coffee Bean blending, Wine blending, Bourbon blending, and my favorite, Signature Cocktail blending are all other versions of this ceremony. Make it PERSONAL!!  Vows This is the one point in the ceremony where couples take the mic and have an opportunity to speak directly to their beloved in a way that doesn’t happen during the rest of the repeat-after-me ceremony. I HIGHLY encourage my couples to write their own vows and I provide a framework to keep them focused on the fact that they are not just telling a story - but declaring their promises for the many years to come. Even if your faith system does not allow for you to read your own personal wedding vows during your wedding ceremony, I highly encourage you to spend the time to write your own personal wedding vows with your specific promises to your best friend. Not sure where to start with your wedding vows? Download my How to Vow Roadmap and get going!   Most couples do not come to our consults with many questions in mind, and as a result, may settle for something they don’t want because they did not know what they did not know. Don't be most couples. Your officiant is one of the most VITAL roles in your wedding day because they are the one standing RIGHT THERE with you as you cross the threshold into married life. Do not settle for someone you don't know, like, or trust. In order to find out if you know, like and trust them, you have to ask some questions and feel them out as they respond. Here are just a few options for questions to bring to the conversation:
Depending on the officiant, there may be a structure to your consultation or it may be free flow, either way, pay attention as you move through the conversation and don’t be afraid to ask what comes to mind. This is an important role in your day and it’s important for you to feel comfortable with this person. Now, if you are reading this and you have yet to hire your wedding officiant - please do yourself a favor and download the How to Find & Hire Your Wedding Officiant cheatsheet right now, so you can be on your way to hiring the perfect officiant to hold space for you and your beloved as you cross the threshold into married life together.  Finding the perfect vendors for your wedding day is no small feat, and it can be tempting to just hire the first person you meet with and be done with it. I encourage couples to be thoughtful about who they hire for their Wedding Officiant because this person is holding space for you and your beloved as you step into married life - you want to be sure it’s a great personality fit, not to mention that they are responsible for the legality of your marriage. Ultimately, using my Free Cheatsheet, How to Find & Hire Your Wedding Officiant will take you from not knowing where to even find an officiant, to interviewing and booking your favorite one. Let me tease you with a few major essentials to keep in mind: 1. Vibe - make sure you are looking at their website and reviews to see that this person will feel good to be around and work with. 2. Values - make sure this person accepts and respects your core values, so that they can accurately reflect you and your relationship in your wedding ceremony. 3. Validation - make sure you are seeking validation that this person is a professional and legit. Now, if you are reading this and you have yet to hire your wedding officiant - please do yourself a favor and download the How to Find & Hire Your Wedding Officiant cheatsheet right now, so you can be on your way to hiring the perfect officiant to hold space for you and your beloved as you cross the threshold into married life together. If you have any questions about hiring your wedding officiant, don't hesitate to email me at [email protected] and ask. I check all of my own emails and I love hearing from you. Talk soon!  “Oh, I thought you were a wedding PLANNER!” As a Wedding Officiant of ten years, I hear this line - A LOT. Many engaged couples have no idea what a wedding officiant does, how they do it, and what to expect from them. Once upon a time, the officiant role was only performed by clergy or sometimes a judge. Many modern couples, however, are planning their weddings at venues instead of churches, and as a result, must hire for a professional service that is offered by many different types of officiants. This shift from clergy to professional service allows for customized ceremony offerings in a way that wasn’t possible before. What is a wedding officiant and what do we do? A wedding officiant is someone who has been granted authority to authorize a marriage by signing the Marriage License/Certificate. Some officiants are ordained by religious institutions and others consider themselves secular or civil officiants. Every state has different rules and regulations about who is allowed to perform these duties. Make sure your officiant is legal or your marriage won’t be! The primary responsibilities of the wedding officiant are basic but very important.
 What your wedding officiant does beyond this will vary depending on their service model. Some will offer very basic license signing services and others offer comprehensive packages that may include any of the following, plus additional unique services that reflect their background or brand.
As you reflect on the optional services, consider what it is you would like to have your officiant do for you and what you are happy with forgoing or doing yourself. When it is time to find and hire your perfect officiant, download my 5 Steps to Hiring the Perfect Officiant Cheatsheet to guide you along the way. |
Amy F. AuroreCoffee Drinker. Virgo. Cat Lady. Lover of Love. Archives
June 2025
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