You're staring at yet another wedding planning decision, and this one feels different. Heavier, somehow.

Should you change your name when you get married?

Maybe you're a high-achieving woman who's built a career around your current name. Maybe you're feeling pressure from family traditions, or wondering if keeping your name makes you less committed to your marriage. Maybe you're simply exhausted at the thought of more paperwork after months of wedding planning decisions.

Whatever brought you here, I see you. And I want you to know: there's no wrong choice, only the choice that feels true to you.

​Here's what I promise you: By the end of this post, you'll have clarity about the real pros and cons of changing your name, and you'll feel calm knowing there's a simple resource to help you if you decide to make the change. Most importantly, you'll have the questions you need to make this decision with intention – not just because it's "what you're supposed to do."

The Truth About Modern Name Changes

Let's start with some perspective. About 70% of women still change their names today – but that's down from 90% in the 1990s. Younger generations are increasingly likely to keep their maiden names, especially women with higher education levels and those in professional fields like medicine, law, and academia.

This isn't just about rebellion or feminism (though those are valid considerations). It's about a generation of women who understand that their name is often tied to their professional identity, their online presence, and their sense of self.

Why This Decision Feels So Loaded

If you're feeling overwhelmed by this choice, you're not alone. As someone who's changed my name twice – once in the traditional way, and once through the courts to a name of my own choosing after my divorce – I understand the weight of this decision.

For high-performing women especially, the name-change question hits several pressure points at once:

1. Professional identity concerns: Your name might be your brand, tied to your credentials, published work, or client relationships
2. Societal expectations: Despite changing times, there's still pressure to follow tradition
3. Feminist principles: You might worry about appearing to support patriarchal traditions
4. Practical overwhelm: The thought of more forms, fees, and DMV lines after wedding planning can feel exhausting

The truth is, you can't make a wrong decision here. But you can make an intentional one.

The Real Benefits of Changing Your Name

When couples choose to change names, they often experience genuine benefits that go beyond tradition:

Emotional & Relationship Benefits:

• Creates a unified family identity and shared sense of belonging
• Serves as a tangible symbol of your commitment and fresh start
• Simplifies future family dynamics, especially with children
• Can strengthen bonds with your spouse's family
• Feels like a meaningful gift to your partner

Practical Advantages:

• Streamlines family paperwork, insurance, and medical forms
• Eliminates confusion during travel – hotel reservations, flights, and family documentation all match
• Provides legal clarity for medical emergencies, school pickup, and family decisions
• May connect you to your spouse's professional circles
• Removes social confusion at events and introductions

​These aren't small things. For couples who value traditional symbols or want that sense of unified identity, changing names can genuinely support their vision of marriage.

The Real Challenges You Should Consider

But let's be honest about the downsides, because they're significant:

Identity & Professional Impact:

• Your name is tied to your sense of self – changing it means losing part of your established identity
• Professional disruption: existing clients, credentials, publications, and awards are all connected to your current name
• Online presence reset: your social media, LinkedIn, and Google search results essentially start over
• Networking confusion: Professional contacts may struggle to find you under a new name

Practical Complications:

• The process is genuinely time-consuming, especially if you have a passport and multiple professional licenses
• Fees add up: new passports, licenses, certifications, and other documents
• Multiple in-person appointments and potential deadline pressures
• High potential for errors that create additional delays and costs

Personal Considerations:

• You might be the last person to carry your family name
• Potential conflict with feminist principles about maintaining independence
• Frustration when people assume you changed your name even if you didn't
• Additional legal complications if the marriage ends

​I learned this firsthand during my first name change – I was a procrastinator who hated waiting in lines, and it took me almost a year to complete the process. Everything about it represented what I disliked about bureaucracy.

​When I changed my name after my divorce, I knew I NEVER wanted to change my name again.  I stepped into my authentic power at that moment and decided to craft a name of my own making.  I took my then middle name, Aurore, which was my maternal grandmother's name, and made it my last name. Then, I took my paternal grandmother's name, Flora, and used the first initial as my new middle name, creating Amy F. Aurore as my proper whole name. The middle name is JUST the letter.  This choice felt authentic and powerful. One I would make over and over the same.  When I married the second time a year ago, it wasn't even a consideration to change my name and  my husband knew it.  This choice bears no affect on the strength of our union.

Finding Your Middle Ground

Here's what I love about modern marriage: you have options. Creative alternatives that honor both your identity and your union:

• Hyphenated names – keep both names (Smith-Johnson)
• Both partners keep original names – no change for either of you
• Create a new family name together – start fresh with something entirely new
• Professional vs. personal split – use different names in different contexts
• Move maiden name to middle name – a compromise that's becoming increasingly popular
• Husband takes wife's name – role reversal is more accepted than ever

You also have timing flexibility. There's no rule that says you must decide immediately. You can:

• Wait until after you've settled into marriage
• Make a gradual transition, changing some documents but not others initially
• Try using your new name socially before making it legal

Questions for Making This Decision with Intention

Instead of just following tradition or rebelling against it, ask yourself these questions:

1. What feels authentic to my identity right now?
2. How important is my current name to my career goals? How will this affect them?
3. What are my partner's honest expectations and feelings about this?
4. How does this align with my values about marriage and independence?
5. Am I making this decision based on what I want, or what I think others expect?

When we are conscious of our intentions, thoughtful about our choices, and emphatic about what matters to us, we can create a life – and a marriage – of our own making.

If You Decide to Change: A Resource That Actually Helps

Here's the thing about the name-change process: it doesn't have to be the bureaucratic nightmare I experienced.

I'm affiliated with HitchSwitch because their service aligns with my values of bringing intention and ease to the marriage process. They're a concierge service that eliminates the overwhelm of name changes with packages ranging from a basic $39.99 print-ready option to a full platinum package that handles everything for you.

What I love about HitchSwitch:

• They customize everything based on your specific state and local requirements
• No more figuring out which offices to visit or what forms you need
• They handle name changes for marriage, divorce, or any legal name change
• You can even add their packages to your wedding registry

The stress relief is real: no more waiting in lines, no more wondering what comes next, no more calling individual offices to figure out their requirements. They smooth out the entire process so you can focus on what matters most – your marriage.
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Permission to Choose What's Right for You

Here's the soul medicine I want to leave you with: your name is you, and whatever you decide cannot be wrong.

Be gentle with yourself as you make this decision. Know that families and traditions are changing all the time, and we can flow into them in a way that allows our authentic expression to be at the center.

If someone has an oppositional viewpoint to whatever you decide, they're on their own journey of self-acceptance. It's okay if they don't understand your choice.

Modern times call for modern decisions. Give yourself grace, honor what feels true, and remember that the most important thing isn't what you choose – it's that you choose consciously.

Your Next Step

If you've decided to change your name, consider putting a HitchSwitch package on your wedding registry. Future you will thank present you for thinking ahead and eliminating that post-wedding stress.shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=902402&u=2752354&m=67412&urllink=&afftrack=

If you've decided to keep your name, celebrate the ease and effortlessness you've afforded yourself. That's a gift too.

And if you're inspired by this intentional approach to such an important decision, consider bringing the same consciousness to your entire wedding process. 

Because when you build what feels true rather than what just looks good, you create a foundation for a marriage that's authentically yours.

Ready to simplify your name change process? Check out HitchSwitch here and discover how easy this transition can be.

Feeling stuck with your vows? You're not alone. Let's talk about what's really happening when you keep pushing that task to tomorrow...

The Truth About Your Vow Procrastination
Let's be honest—that blank page staring back at you feels intimidating. You've moved "write vows" from one to-do list to the next. Maybe you've convinced yourself you'll feel more inspired closer to the wedding. Maybe you're telling yourself you're "just not ready yet."

I see you. I understand you. And I'm here to tell you something important: writing your vows only seems overwhelming because you don't know where to start or how to move through it in a meaningful way.

That resistance you're feeling? It's not a sign you should keep avoiding this task. It's actually pointing you toward a powerful transformation waiting on the other side.

What's Really Hiding Behind "I'll Do It Later"
When couples tell me they're putting off their vows, here's what I've discovered is really happening:

1. It's Not About Writing Skills—It's About Vulnerability
That voice in your head saying "I'm not a writer" is masking a deeper concern: opening your heart completely, putting those feelings into words, and sharing them publicly feels vulnerable. This isn't about crafting perfect prose—it's about being authentically you.

2. Perfectionism Is Blocking Your Path
Many thoughtful people—perhaps especially thoughtful people—struggle with vow writing precisely because they care so deeply. They want everything to be perfect, believing their words need to create a movie-worthy moment.

But here's the truth: perfect vows don't exist. Authentic vows do. And authenticity beats perfection every time.

3. You're Missing the Point of the Process
When we focus only on the end product—the words you'll speak on your wedding day—we completely miss the transformative journey of creating them.

Your vows aren't just something you say. They're a container for transformation. They're an opportunity to consciously step into your marriage with intention, clarity, and purpose.

Three Truths About Vow Resistance
If you're avoiding your vows, I want you to know these three essential truths:

Truth #1: It's really not that hard. With the right starting point and path forward, this process becomes infinitely more manageable. You simply need the right framework.

Truth #2: The only way through is through. That resistance you feel? The stronger it is, the more valuable the transformation waiting on the other side. Trust me on this one.

Truth #3: It's not about performance—it's about presence. Remember that your vows don't have to be a public performance. You can share them privately before or after the ceremony if that feels more authentic to you. Remove the pressure of an audience, and focus on what truly matters.

What Happens When You Move Past Resistance
When you finally sit down and begin crafting your vows with intention, something magical happens:

You identify the key reasons why you're marrying this person based on your experiences together.

You recognize the values, attributes, and personality traits that make you compatible with your beloved.

You clarify the promises you specifically need to make to be the spouse you want to be in your marriage.

In short, you become more intentional about how you choose to step into this marriage. This isn't just about crafting beautiful words—it's about consciously creating the foundation for your married life together.

If I Could Talk to My Past Self...
I got married at 27, and looking back, I was what you might call a reluctant bride. I was proposed to early in my relationship, and being a "yes" person, I agreed. What followed was a very long engagement where I now realize I was stalling because I wasn't sure of my reasons.

If I could go back and talk to that version of myself, I would have said: "Sit down and get started on your vows now. Get connected to your big 'why.' Why are you doing this? Why does this work? Why are you a good fit?"

Perhaps by asking myself those questions sooner, I could have recognized that I wasn't moving through my engagement consciously. I was just checking boxes because each step seemed like "the next right thing to do."

Although everything worked out as it was meant to, imagine how things might have unfolded if I had used the vow-writing process to become more present, conscious, and aware of what was happening and why I wanted it to happen.

​When You Say "I'm Not Ready Yet"
Let's address what's really hiding behind that statement:

Is it about the writing part? Use voice memos or speech-to-text. Problem solved.

Scared of public speaking? Skip it! Share your vows privately instead.

Perfectionism holding you back? That's when you need a guide—someone to help you structure your thoughts and feelings into something that feels true to you.

But underneath all these excuses is often something deeper: a lack of confidence that you're capable of doing something that feels challenging.

Confidence is about developing trust in yourself by taking small, consistent actions. It's about becoming present and intentional about the things you do in your daily life, especially regarding your marriage and relationships.
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You've been dreaming about your perfect wedding ceremony—one that truly reflects your relationship, values, and love story. But now your officiant has informed you that customization isn't an option. The script is set, and they won't budge. What can you do?

As a professional wedding officiant with years of experience, I've helped countless couples navigate this challenge. Here's my expert guidance on how to create meaningful personal moments even when facing ceremony restrictions.
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Why Officiants Restrict Personalization

Before diving into solutions, it helps to understand why some officiants limit customization:

1. Business Structure: Some officiants operate on a high-volume business model, performing multiple ceremonies per day or weekend. Their streamlined approach allows them to serve more couples but leaves little room for customization.
2. Religious Traditions: In many faith traditions, wedding ceremonies follow prescribed formats that have remained unchanged for generations. Clergy members are often required to follow these scripts exactly as written.

Understanding these constraints can help you approach the situation with realistic expectations and creative solutions.

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Shifting Your Perspective

If you're feeling disappointed about ceremony restrictions, remember that the true meaning of your wedding day goes far beyond the specific words spoken during the ceremony. Your marriage is about the intentions you hold in your heart and the conscious choices you're making to move forward together.

Consider these perspective shifts:

• Focus on intention over presentation: Create space before the ceremony for intention setting or a meditation, allowing you to connect with the deeper meaning of your commitment.
• Expand your definition of "the ceremony": Think of your wedding day as a series of meaningful moments rather than just the official ceremony itself. The private exchange of vows can become just as significant as the public declaration.
• Recognize the value of tradition: Even standard ceremony wording carries the weight of history and shared human experience, connecting your union to something larger than yourselves.

The Heart of the Matter...

Remember that your wedding day is about beginning your marriage with love and intention. While the specific words of your ceremony matter, what matters more is the commitment you're making and the life you'll build together. By focusing on creating meaningful moments throughout your wedding day, you can ensure your unique love story shines through, regardless of ceremony restrictions.

Still wondering if writing your vows is something you would like to incorporate into your personalized wedding day? Want to know your Vow Writing Superpower? Click Here to take my Vow Writing Superpower Quiz and find out exactly WHY you should write your own vows!

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Because your wedding ceremony is more than just something to get through—it’s a container for transformation.

Let’s be honest: Most couples spend way more time picking linens than they do thinking about their vows. It’s easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of wedding planning—Pinterest boards, catering tastings, guest lists, dress fittings—and before you know it, you’re standing at the altar, slightly dazed, just trying to make it through the ceremony so you can finally eat something and hit the dance floor.

But what if your ceremony could be more than that?

What if your vows could be more than a box to check?

If you feel even a tingle of a desire to make your wedding day deeply personal and meaningful, here’s why writing your own vows might be the key.

Your wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be fully present.

There are moments in life that are meant to wake us up. Getting married is one of them. And yet, so many couples rush through the ceremony on autopilot, exhausted from planning or disconnected from the deeper meaning of the day. I’ve seen it too many times—couples saying the same script that's been said a thousand times before, barely present to the significance of the words.

But writing your own vows requires you to pause. To reflect. To choose your words with care. It grounds you in the truth of why you’re getting married—and brings you back to the sacredness of the moment you’re stepping into.

This is about being intentional. About showing up—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually—for one of the biggest decisions of your life.
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Your vows are the soul of your ceremony.

Traditional vows can be beautiful, but let’s be real: “’Til death do us part” doesn’t speak to everyone anymore. Personal vows give you the chance to express your love, your promises, and your shared vision for the future—on your own terms.

They can reflect the journey you’ve been on, the values you share, the growth you’ve experienced together, and the dreams you’re stepping into. This is not about perfection or performance—it’s about authenticity.

Whether you read them aloud at the altar or co-create them privately as part of your ceremony script, your vows become a living, breathing expression of your relationship’s heart.

Writing vows is part of co-creating your marriage.

Your wedding day is a milestone—but your vows are about more than the moment. They’re about setting an intention for the marriage you want to create together.

When you sit down to write personal vows, you’re not just writing sweet words. You’re getting clear on what matters to you as a couple. You’re articulating the promises that will guide you through the years ahead. You’re stepping into marriage as conscious co-creators, not passive participants.
It’s powerful. And transformative.

Even if you don’t end up reading personal vows out loud on your wedding day, the process of writing them together (or separately) is a deeply meaningful ritual. It creates connection. Clarity. And a moment of deep presence with your partner.